There are things in life that need warming up: cars in the winter, your muscles before a sprint, your dinner from the night before. But the most important is you and your lady before a romp around in bed. Here’s a rule of thumb (and tongue) to always abide by: take your time. Lora Somoza, Los Angeles-based sex expert and radio host says you must make her feel comfortable, otherwise she’s not going to enjoy it. And odds are, when you cater to her first, she’ll be more than willing to reciprocate the favor.
Here’s a sneak peek of Somoza’s advice:
Step 1. The comfort zone
The first thing to know about going down on your lady is that if she’s not relaxed, she’s not going to enjoy it. “One of the sexiest things a guy has ever said to me was ‘get comfortable,’” says Somoza.
Step 2. Perfect position
Your partner probably knows the position that’s most comfortable for her to be in, but if she’s open to suggestions, put a pillow under her butt to lift her pelvis up, which will give you great leverage—and make her feel fantastic. “Then, when she’s lying on her back, keep her knees wide,” says Somoza. “The wider she is, the more of an opening you have to work with.”
Step 3. Tease with your tongue
“You must start off in a teasing manner in the beginning. A slight lick of the tongue going up and down is good, licking the thighs at first and then slowly starting to move down, gaining intensity and speed,” she says.
Step 4. Listen up
One of the most important things you can do at this point read her body—and by that, we mean monitor her breathing, and pay attention to how she’s moving her hips. “You really need to learn how to listen to her body. If you’re not listening to how she’s responding, you might as well just be jerking off in the corner.”
Step 5. Embrace the vibration
Don’t be afraid of breaking out the vibrator! It can be an invaluable tool to the art of oral. The average woman takes 20 minutes to climax from oral sex, so you’re going to be there for a while. “Use something small and easily handled so you can still feel like you’re in control,” she says. “Put the vibrator on the clitoral hood, then spend some time with your tongue in the labia area.”
Step 6. The crescendo
“The build up should be like a crescendo. You need to start increasing pressure and increasing speed. Some women like a side-to-side tongue motion in the clitoral hood, while other women like an up-and-down rhythm,” says Somoza. “Judge your movement based on her response.”
Step 7. The grand finale
When you feel like she’s getting close to her climax, continue what you’re doing! But—and here’s the disclaimer—she may not always come. It’s not a reflection of your ability. “Your only goal should be to make her feel good,” Somoza says. “One of the sexiest things about a man is when he acts like being between a woman’s legs is his favorite place in the whole wide world. A lot of what makes great oral sex is the attitude you show your partner.”
For the full version, see the best oral sex of her life.